Online

Album: 5th Gear (2007)
Charted: 39
Play Video
  • I work down at the Pizza Pit
    And I drive an old Hyundai
    I still live with my mom and dad
    I'm 5'3 and overweight

    I'm a sci-fi fanatic
    Mild asthmatic
    Never been to second base
    But there's a whole 'nother me
    That you need to see
    Go check out Myspace

    'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
    I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
    I drive a Maserati
    I'm a black belt in Karate
    And I love a good glass of wine

    It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
    I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
    'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
    Chat with two women at one time

    I'm so much cooler online
    So much cooler online

    I get home, I kiss my mom
    And she fixes me a snack
    And I head down to my basement bedroom
    And fire up my Mac

    In real life, the only time I've
    Ever even been to L.A.
    Was when I got the chance with the marching band
    To play tuba in the Rose Parade

    Online I live in Malibu
    I posed for Calvin Kline, I've been in GQ
    I'm single and I'm rich
    And I got a set of six pack abs that will blow your mind

    It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
    I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
    'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
    Chat with two women at one time

    I'm so much cooler online
    Yeah I'm cooler online

    When you got my kinda stats, it's hard to get a date
    Let alone a real girlfriend
    But I grow another foot
    And I lose a bunch of weight every time I log in

    Online I'm out in Hollywood
    I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
    Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
    Chat with two women at one time

    I'm so much cooler online
    Yeah I'm cooler online

    Hey, I'm so much cooler online
    Yeah I'm cooler online
    (Yeah he's cooler online)

    Hey, I'm cooler online
    (oh, yeah he's cooler online)

    yeah, I'm sitting online

    Hey, I'm cooler online
    (Yeah he's cooler, yeah)

    Oh yeah Writer/s: Brad Paisley, Charles Dubois, Chris Dubois, John Lovelace, Kelley Lovelace
    Publisher: Songtrust Ave, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Spirit Music Group
    Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind

Comments: 2

  • Dave from Cullman, AlThis song makes me smile. There, but for the grace of God, go I.
  • Mary from Richmond, VaThis song is so funny! I love the video!
see more comments

Editor's Picks

Andrew Farriss of INXS

Andrew Farriss of INXSSongwriter Interviews

Andrew Farriss on writing with Michael Hutchence, the stories behind "Mystify" and other INXS hits, and his country-flavored debut solo album.

Danny Kortchmar

Danny KortchmarSongwriter Interviews

Danny played guitar on Sweet Baby James, Tapestry, and Running On Empty. He also co-wrote many hit songs, including "Dirty Laundry," "Sunset Grill" and "Tender Is The Night."

Chris Frantz - "Genius of Love"

Chris Frantz - "Genius of Love"They're Playing My Song

Chris and his wife Tina were the rhythm section for Talking Heads when they formed The Tom Tom Club. "Genius of Love" was their blockbuster, but David Byrne only mentioned it once.

Dean Pitchford

Dean PitchfordSongwriter Interviews

Dean wrote the screenplay and lyrics to all the songs in Footloose. His other hits include "Fame" and "All The Man That I Need."

Who's Johnny, And Why Does He Show Up In So Many Songs

Who's Johnny, And Why Does He Show Up In So Many SongsSong Writing

For songwriters, Johnny represents the American man. He has been angry, cool, magic, a rebel and, of course, marching home.

Scott Gorham of Thin Lizzy and Black Star Riders

Scott Gorham of Thin Lizzy and Black Star RidersSongwriter Interviews

Writing with Phil Lynott, Scott saw their ill-fated frontman move to a darker place in his life and lyrics.