X-M@$

Album: Single Release Only (2010)
Charted: 37
Play Video
  • Ho ho ho ho
    Jesus

    There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
    Gussied up with candy canes and balls
    Those carolers have kept me up for hours
    "It's Merry Christmas," seeping through my walls
    Now, I'm no wiccan commie nut or nothing
    But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
    It ain't Halloween, or Thanksgiving, or even April Fools
    But it'll surely make a fool out of every man

    If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
    You know where to stick those jingle bells
    If I ain't hammered, it ain't Hanukkah
    And all you motherfuckers go to hell
    If I ain't cock-eyed, it ain't Kwanzaa
    Joy to the world of Jack and Cokes
    If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
    'Cause I ain't ever anything but broke

    Now, every year the malls are just a madhouse
    Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
    Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit
    And those colored lights are fucking infantile
    I think, we collectively as a people
    Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
    And tell the world, "Let's buy some peace and quiet for a change
    Before we spend it all on fucking toys"

    So, if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
    You know where to stick those jingle bells
    If I ain't hammered, it ain't Hanukkah
    Fa-la-la-la-la, go fuck yourself
    If I ain't cock-eyed, it ain't Kwanzaa
    Joy to the world of getting stoned
    If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
    So leave this goddamn Scrooge the fuck alone

    Merry Fucking Christmas
    Hi, Simon Writer/s: Corey Taylor
    Publisher: BMG Rights Management
    Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind

Comments

Be the first to comment...

Editor's Picks

Jimmy Webb

Jimmy WebbSongwriter Interviews

Webb talks about his classic songs "By the Time I Get to Phoenix," "Wichita Lineman" and "MacArthur Park."

Graduation Songs

Graduation SongsFact or Fiction

Have you got the smarts to know which of these graduation song stories are real?

Director Paul Rachman on "Hunger Strike," "Man in the Box," Kiss

Director Paul Rachman on "Hunger Strike," "Man in the Box," KissSong Writing

After cutting his teeth on hardcore punk videos, Paul defined the grunge look with his work on "Hunger Strike" and "Man in the Box."

Dino Cazares of Fear Factory

Dino Cazares of Fear FactorySongwriter Interviews

The guitarist/songwriter explains how he came up with his signature sound, and deconstructs some classic Fear Factory songs.

Billy Steinberg - "Like A Virgin"

Billy Steinberg - "Like A Virgin"They're Playing My Song

The first of Billy's five #1 hits was the song that propelled Madonna to stardom. You'd think that would get you a backstage pass, wouldn't you?

They Might Be Giants

They Might Be GiantsSongwriter Interviews

Who writes a song about a name they found in a phone book? That's just one of the everyday things these guys find to sing about. Anything in their field of vision or general scope of knowledge is fair game. If you cross paths with them, so are you.