Skipper Dan

Album: Alpocalypse (2011)
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  • I starred in every high school play
    Blew every drama teacher away
    Graduated first in my class at Julliard

    Took every acting workshop I could
    And I dreamed of Hollywood
    While I read my Uta Hagen, and studied the Bard

    Hit the boards and paid my dues
    And got phenomenal rave reviews
    I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt

    I was sure that Tarantino would be calling me on my phone
    Annie Liebowitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
    But the years have come and gone and I'm sorry to say
    That's not the way that it's all worked out

    I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
    Skipper Dan is the name
    And I'm doing 34 shows every day
    And every time it's the same

    Look at those hippos, they're wiggling their ears
    Just like they've done for the last 50 years
    Now I'm laughing at my own jokes, but I'm crying inside
    'Cause I'm working on the Jungle Cruise ride

    Oh the critics they used to say, I was the new Olivier
    Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance, or maybe Cannes
    Ah, but don't bother trying to IMDB me
    The only place you might possibly see me
    Is riding my little boat around Adventureland
    It ain't exactly what I planned but

    I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
    Skipper Dan is the name
    And I'm doing 34 shows every day
    And every time it's the same

    I would've killed if I'd been in Speed-the-Plow
    But what's the difference that's all behind me now
    'Cause I'm paying the rent and I'm swallowing my pride
    And I'm working on the Jungle Cruise ride

    I should be there on Broadway,
    Knocking 'em dead in 12 Angry Men
    But instead I'm here telling these lame jokes
    Again, and again, and again, and again,
    And again, and again, and again

    (Bengal tigers can jump over 20 feet)
    (That's an African Bull-Elephant)
    (There it is, the backside of water)
    (What have I done with my life?)

    I should've listened when my Grandfather said
    Why don't you major in business instead?
    Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
    And I'll probably work forever as a

    Tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
    Skipper Dan is the name
    And I'm doing 34 shows every day
    And every time it's the same

    Look at those hippos, they're wiggling their ears
    Somebody shoot me 'cause I'm bored to tears
    Always said I'd be famous, I guess that I lied
    'Cause I'm working on the Jungle Cruise ride
    I'm still working on the Jungle Cruise ride Publisher: EAR BOOKER MUSIC
    Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind

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